bizarre

it’s bizarre

how on saturday

i went to the most beautiful bridal shower for the most beautiful couple

(and while i am biased i am also objectively correct)

one who

probably

oh 7 ish years ago

(i did just try to confirm it on instagram)

i thought hey,

they are both super cool, i bet they’d think each other are super cool.

and i showed my cousin

her instagram

and well,

they did the work from there

but a tiny fraction of that story involves me

the connection point

and we laugh about it as they both wear rings and have 7 years of history between them.

and then the next day

to get a text from my dear friend anne

she says

parker and i broke up, can we hang out this week

and

this couple

anne

who i love every moment i’m with her

makes time feel light

who my biggest regret involves what i said to her one night

and that she doesn’t even remember

parker

who is a close friend

close here meaning

good times and times where

well i wrote about it here probably

someone i am actually just really bad at understanding

but who when we do find shiny moments of understanding is wonderful

a set up i arranged

let’s be honest not with the cleanest of intentions

(ask me the story and i’ll tell it)

when we went and fed the homeless

them together

and me + andy watching it happen

andy and i never talked again

but anne and parker

well it was beautiful

key being was

he who was so grumpy about dating (&girls generally)

softened

and she

who loves so big and so much

but who gets weighed down in her mind

felt calmed

i heard the stories from both sides

the fist kiss

the almost ending

the continuing the working through the harder things

the things they loved about each other

and then this.

an end.

and both so utterly broken

both so desperately still wanting each other

but knowing,

it’s not right.

listening to her first

and feeling the love through the sadness

and then

listening to him

as i renewed my library card and looked for a book of poetry

talk about his emotions

this engineering guy, this logic guy

talk so much about love and loss and all about a girl i love.

and i’m the lucky one

the cheater even

because i get to have both of them now and for the foreseeable future

and they can’t have each other.