the week she left

a collection of my notes app inspired by my sister leaving me.

click the pdf to see it all, or scroll to get a taste.

disclaimer:

i am not a writer and don’t claim to be

but i enjoy reading these, so my hubris tells me maybe others will too

dedicated to all the times you called me out on my contrarian wit.

“soulmates aren’t just lovers you know"

table of contents

Section I: a collection of my notes from when you left.

Section II: my notes when i couldn’t stop writing

SECTION I

thank you

for honesty

creating our family style

telling me how i feel

respecting anything i say

never getting boring

not laughing at just any meme so i would work hard for the good ones

being the best part of most of my days

i remember you said once “sorry we haven’t talked these past few months but i hope living in the same place will make up for it”

well,

it did by far too much.

answer

rely on god in the meantime until you can rely just on you

wish

i can’t tell if i wish it didn’t hurt

it will be so eerily near normal

when i open your cupboard

when i desperately need texting and outfit Logic

when something is so you or so me

when i don’t understand me who can i have just lay me out flat and identify which parts are hurt and how they can be fixed?

i hope we won’t bother you too much. i hope that if we send you photos it will not deter you.

i’m scared about dating. i’m scared about being not good at most of my relationships. ours is the only one that gives me hope & desire for something deep & long.

i’m scared about not knowing when i’m too much. God said i can just ask Him and i will,

but it was nice to have you.

how are you?

people always ask,

"how will you be when she leaves?"

now it’s "how are you?"

i just say sad.

actor

this week

i think i could be an actor

because i can cry on demand

anytime i’m alone without a task that requires all of my brain

or anytime.

but i can stop it just as fast. when a smile is needed or some kind of vague reply.

but i know they can see my heavy friend perched on my shoulders

or perched behind my eyes.

i think they don’t see but they do.

i’m not that good of an actor