i found the truth at the bottom

the adrenaline covers it up

but without it i’m so scared

but not in a shaky way

in a way i don’t even notice until i get out from behind the wheel

it was easy last night.

when you came crawling into my room in tears lugging a 3 sizes too big foot behind you

you cried and i hugged you

we looked up urgent cares and packed a bag

i got behind the wheel and there we were

it was stressful but in such an easy way

today you needed someone to go with you

i asked if you wanted to drive or me to

you said me

i said okay let’s go

tried to ignore the parts of me that resisted

it was fine

but you don’t know how much it takes out of me

and it took it out of me

and i can't blame

but i feel drained

and this has happened before

it’s hard for me

maybe it won’t be forever

but it is.

and i'm shoving myself into the victim space

don’t look at me here

but look.

see how i contort myself

shrink myself

to fit here.

i want you to ask to say thank you.

and much more than that i don’t

i want to be alone in an angry way

i want my hurt to be validated

i need you to make it real.