reminded i'm naive

when i walked in the doors to school

i remembered the big political figure i was going to see later that day

i remembered buying the ticket because

this is huge, and as a poly sci major how could i not go?

then i remember after i got my tickets i saw some of my friends handing out posters for a protest against it

and when i walked in those doors

my next thought was,

you could not come home today

then i made a quick plan for the scenario in which there’s a shooting

feeling comfortable both with the likelihood of risk and my plan

i moved on.

as i entered the venue

there were some of my friends,

with signs standing in silent protest

and i felt ashamed turned my face hoping no one would see me.

there are policemen everywhere here

and so so many cameras

and i think

each camera contains thousands of eyes

this room may not be massive and it may not be full

but those cameras expand its reach

over the speakers house party is playing.

who chose the playlist?

it’s so country

and acapella

(the two types of music i do not enjoy i realize)

there are women who look like money

and a man wearing a cowboy suit and fancy hat

i sit alone in my row

i imagine my friends outside got the tickets next to me so no one else could buy them.

-x afterwards x-

walking out those doors

seeing my friend

and talking

and then telling me they feel unsafe because of him

and feeling like i hurt someone i trust

how could i say i thought their protest was cool

when it clearly happened because they felt threatened

i should have just listened and

made sure people were being kind to them

and i walk away feeling,

naïve, privileged and

even

couldn't take me away from those feelings.