evangeline

i’m not sure what happened tonight

i wanted to talk to my friends,

but they were

tied to others .

so i had only bits of time,

and then someone else,

not me,

was there.

and i wasn’t wanted or needed by anyone,

in a general sense i was

but i’d be left,

because that girl would hold their hand,

and i just want to talk.

i almost cried,

just now.

as i wrote that.

i wanted to find the truth, knew writing it would help

didn’t know it come like a pitch,

fast, hard and direct.

watching them have designated seats,

whisper and hold hands

and if it were me i’d have made sure to kiss them where no one could see during ghosts in the graveyard

then cuddle during the movie.

i didn’t want to cuddle though, i didn’t need it

i loved being alone and loving a movie.

is it just that i feel lesser than?

or is it used,

like you’re good enough,

until she’s available

i don’t know what it is but the loneliness i just started to feel will continue unless my mindset changes,

so what must change.

current

• view of the girls is not helpful

• i don’t see them as belonging

• to the guys or on the trip

• i expect attention from the people i feel closer too

actions

• take cute couple pics for them?

• see it like a movie?

• you can be in the moment for you, i’m the main character in tomorrow, it will be seen though only my eyes

• pay attention to hurts to be aware of to avoid doing it to others

goal

• have a happy day

• see beauty in details

• be kind and help as much as i can

• feel the spirit

wish me luck Evangeline