i can trust hua hsu to not disappoint me

hua hsu talked as i walked

(i feel nostalgic for it,

though i only finished it 3 hours ago

i already want it back.

it was so beautiful.)

i deeply want a fax machine

i adored his father's faxes

i saw a reflection of myself in the way young hua devoured music

i loved how he was a political science major because it was easy with his strengths

how he obsessed over his political theory professor

how he got to be a rebel

and go to rallies

and be a part of movements

and know what he believed,

though that wasn't what it was about.

it was about him, and really about his friend ken.

i loved seeing a friendship

i loved how hua saw romance

and what drew him to people.

last night we walked together, in the dark and he told me about the last dragon.

i was making dough for rolls as he told me how ken died.

after i finished the book i looked at his instagram,

i was not disappointed

then found his website

and knew i trust him to not disappoint me.

i loved this book.

i feel like i want to go back to who i was before i read it, just so i could relive the experience

seeing ripples of myself in his river, to see my self change again.

i have places in my mind, the elementary school i walked past, the city lights i stared at, the kids i saw playing.

i wish i knew how to love it for longer

i don't know how to love it for longer.