i don't miss it (but that's not the truth).

the miss inside me

it flows all around me

i know i don’t miss the relationship

everytime i feel it the longing,

i talk back

tell it all the reasons why

why i know i don't miss it.

but

the truth lies here,

i miss your soft face.

and the feeling of it.

i saw you through the trees and through your window,

get a drink and turn off the lights

i wish you could know how close my heart was to you

i think i cried though i can’t be sure.

i want your cheek on mine, i want you asleep near me

but i know i can’t have it, i need to want all of you

and i know in my heart i don’t.

sometimes it feels like i never loved you

and sometimes it feels like i don’t know how to stop

it felt so close,

but was is it?

later on...

i walked past you,

i doubt you saw me,

you were coming down the stairs holding a wendy's cup of soda,

i wanted you to see me.

and i think it made me miss you

you saved a reel of a frog with a pepper hat to our folder,

i think that made me miss you

and it took so much energy to not put a heart to it

i fell asleep listening to the time we laid behind the fountain and i asked you questions and

you said you'd be too scared to be an astronaut

i think that made me miss you.

i watched beauty and the beast,

i can't tell why but it made me miss you,

how the wounded anger turned soft.

We talked late into the night,

she asked me a question,

one i had a deep well of answers to.

answers i'd not told her,

but now flowed free

i told her about the us nobody else new about

the hardest parts that i couldn't tell anyone about unless they asked directly,

about how i can't go back to you

but how i can't blame you,

and how i can't hold any anger towards you,

strangely enough i think that made me miss you.

i think we miss each other the same,

not truly.

i don't miss you truly.

you don't miss me truly.

we miss the parts we needed.

i can't miss you for all of you,

i can't find the same reasons to love you.

i miss the things i didn't know before or during you,

like how much i'd miss falling asleep next to someone.

i miss having someone i could jump on

show off for

i miss riding in your car

i miss getting to know your family

but if i’m honest

i find it hard to miss all that i learned for you,

i don’t miss the names of pokémon

or hearing about the people you hate

i wish i could

but i only miss the parts of you that matched,

and it’s only fair of you to do the same.