like a wave

and it hits me like a wave

i know it’s been drawn out

and now it comes rushing

hopelessly swirling me around in the undercurrents

i miss her

i need

her

and there is nothing i can do

nothing

and she doesn’t need me

i’m sitting in a warm bathtub

phoebe bridgers surrounds me

and my phone that i’m writing this on

goes blurrry

as tears

come

i swear i never cried until she left

we could have had so much fun today

could’ve been one of the best days of our lives

but instead

what

i’ll do some homework

(we would’ve done that too; but it would’ve been amazing)

maybe i’ll

i was gonna say go play pickleball or hangout with people

but people aren’t coral

so i think i’d rather be alone

because alone is as close as i can get.

i’m not mad at this hurt

i feel no anger at myself

or her

or anyone

i feel

just big

trapping sadness

because i can’t have

something i once had

and i think there’s nothing i can do

but there are things.

do them honey,

do them for me.

the sadness is good.

but the tomorrow if not having got anything done

is trapping.

alleviate

break through

be sad as you do laundry

be sad as you clean the bathroom

as you sleep.

but doing

will break you free