notice it

i again found myself with time and nothing that demanded doing

so i walked

not tied to the world of time and people

(by that i mean i left my phone behind)

i walked toward the large gray something.

i passed a park and sat in it

i had a notebook,

i wrote in it

what i was feeling,

what it meant that i wasn't excited about the week ahead,

why was i so embarrassed that i was overcharged for something and how negatively that impacted me,

and a list of hobbies i'd love to start,

then

when i felt like walking again i did,

past perfect homes from the 70's,

i wasn't far from where i live but i could've been

my shoes new to the sidewalk below them.

it was just me on that walk

the me of my mind

and the me squashed in that notebook

i discovered what that large gray something was,

it's going to be an elementary school

i picked up a stick

which i dropped and went back to pick up twice

i carried the stick the rest of the way with me,

a perfect size weight and texture.

as i was coming down from the hill i'd unknowingly walked up

i like all the humans before or after me

stared in awe at the sunset,

the single pink cloud, the light blue skies

in that moment i saw my life as an art gallery

different times as different pieces,

some large and full to the brim with excitement and movement, people and places, fears and doubts

but the painting of my life at that moment

was that sunset over the park

and i thought

this may not be the most beautiful time of my life,

but i do have the most time to notice it

that whole walk was me standing staring deep into a simple painting of a sunset.

my whole mind and body devoted to the task

that tucked my all my worried thoughts right into bed

my painting doesn't need to be anything

i need to notice it.

i want to spend hours studying the curls of the clouds.

i still don't know if i should be doing more,

if i'm being untrue to the ambition inside,

but i hope future me will be grateful for how i used this time

to stand still and stare.